#2 From My Diary: 06/08/17

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06/08/17, Sunday

Is it just me or my head feels heavy for my neck.

This is the feeling I am constantly facing almost everyday. My neck and shoulder issues haven’t seen a perfect sunshine in last two years, oh is it just two?! Haha.

I can’t remember myself say that, “Yay, today I’m actually pain free and can live life normally.” I wonder when I’ll heal completely, physically as well as mentally.

Have a great weekend guys.

Signing off for now.

Best wishes,

Shambhavi

P.S: Happy Friendship Day to all my fellow bloggers.😊😊😍😍🌻🌻🎉🎉

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Happy Friendship Day

Unrequited Love: What it’s like to be You

14519733_1165074796890027_9175346864870508178_n.pngI wonder what went by
In your mind, where I’m hiding shy.
I said goodbye and you were alright
No fight, no fear
I cried and you shed no tear.

You live and you lived,
With dreams of a girl
A girl I loathed, I queered.
I’ve tried, I’ve cried, and
Alas, I gave up that night.
I gave you one but many
Opportunities to hold my hand
All I seeked was love, your love;
Devoid of force or demand.

Who knew it would be so tough
To live and reel a quick sand deal
I got far ahead
Ahead of you!
Left behind was love that grew,
In my heart alone-
Alone all for myself.
You came around and fooled around
My heart that waited
For your inflicted wounds
to gape open.
To bleed like a raging river
of shining water
Red like skies awaiting thunder
Clouds that condense to cry
Like face that blushes before
A loud cry.

I waited and awaited
A call or an apology
All I received were empty words
On a day single like a solitary
cloud on a day of summer.
It has been years since then,
You went your way &
I turned to return but,
My feet got numb.
~Shambhavi

When you ask why

It’s something I’m asked quite often. 

Why do I write?

I guess it’s pretty much obvious. But, if you may ask Me, it’s because I would like to have my thoughts down on a paper. I need some clarity.

It’s a desire to know more about my thoughts and how my mind is designed. It’s basically having my life in a poem, but they say words won’t suffice and that’s why my dear, I might write an endless tale, an emotional poem, an angry debate in the form of a prose and a fairytale for the fantasies of life and yet again my words would fall short to say what I have on my mind.

That chaos, it needs an outlet and my writing gives that to me.

A beautiful expression of love, simplicity and complexities of life, roaring anger or just grave sadness or exploring  creativity. It’s all in writing.

I hope you get that. 

Good day to all of You,

~Shambhavi 

Verbal diarrhoea


That ‘me’ within needs no tongue to express

It’s mal-functional when I’m in distress.

I wonder what I’ve on my mind

Whether an extraordinaire or the daily rind.

It’s not the unexpected turn of events I fear

Is it the plain pressure what they call of peer?

Oh Madame moiselle, I may correct you

Hello how are you? How do you do?!

Not just exchange of few verbal bizarre

At times, my mouth goes topsy turvy over par

I’m scared of nothing but my mistakes

Pardon me, I’ll try to pull the brakes

Over this very fear

I promise never to shed any tear

Over the matter so menial

As a matter of fact I’m being real.

I hate pleasing

As a matter of fact, that word isn’t appealing

At all I must add a few

It’s not just that I hate one or two

There are many that makes this ‘me’

Fall of the curve, down that C

Verbal diarrhoea they say

Has no cure whatever may

I tried hard and harder not to fail

My sea is mine and my boat is all mine to sail

Cease, is what I could afford

But, what do I do of all the emotional load?

Some say, suppress it, some say express it

When I do as they say, they don’t suffer one bit

At last I now know of that,

It’s your life, wear your choice of hat

Dress like a stripper or a clown

Up you go or down you drown

You got your soul

Hold yourself and up you roll

Your sleeves of wisdom

Continue your tandem

Beats of expression

Leave it all, have no tension.

~Shambhavi

Change

When words meant

nothing

I tried being silent

You messaged me once

You messaged me twice

And ’twas the last.

I told you to go away

And for a change

you said Yes

Without a fight.

That night everything

changed

Perhaps not you but,

My life changed

My world changed

I changed.

Since, I haven’t

looked back

And, I won’t be

looking either.

~Shambhavi

Excerpts from My Diary

 

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TROUBLED
01.08.2016

This is very intense. The struggle we face, the fight that awaits, everyday it’s nothing but a battle within against our thoughts.😦 Sometimes, all we need is reassurance, hope and faith. I was on a very pessimistic path, but my mother kept pushing me towards the path of positivity. When I started my blog, I chose to write everything on my mind, no distinction between positive or negative thoughts, but it was my mother who asked me to put in only the happy ones so as to attract positivity in life.

It’s not easy, there are days I just feel like crying to myself, staying aloof- away from everyone. There are days when I do nothing but doubt myself with multiple thoughts in my head, perhaps they are busy fighting a fight of their own.

I have grown to dislike wrong things people talk. It’s alright to have an opinion different from others, but it’s another thing to get angry, and then burst out crying for reason very trivial. I haven’t found any reason for my guilty palpitations or the tremors that are far from ceasing and the emptiness in the chest gets me. I am scared to fall prey to any of these, these emotions and thoughts are my enemies and I don’t know how to get over this.😦

To all the readers, who are facing this or have faced this ever, don’t lose hope. I can relate to your dilemma somewhere and, I hope we all recover and feel normal soon. Take care.

Best wishes,

Shambhavi🌻🌻😊😊

P.S: Have faith and keep going. Don’t give up. Ever. Remember that always. ☺🌻🌻🌻 May the beautiful sunshine be with you always!